new. and last night was really a blast. haven't had that much fun for a -long long time-. and maybe something more? nah.... heh. we'll see.

don't feel like elaborating.

and kar, what's up? saw your blog, why so depressed sounding...hm. take care yeah? miss ya.  
i walked home alone with you. 11:53 pm

  yawn. ok. three days of doing weights in a row is not a good idea. damn.
i just had an interesting thought. what if she somehow came across this? not that i say much on it but hey it'd be something. oh haha and karen, ratscum it is. for now at least.

hm rumin just called me. rather unexpected but pleasant all the same. haven't spoken properly to her for ages. might go meet up with her soon... but it'd be awkward as it's always been, which is something i've always and will always regret.

heh one good thing has come out of all this shit at any rate. i've started talking to lots of people i haven't spoken to for at least a year or so. looks like it'll last too, this time.

and i thought i'd have got over it by now it's been almost 2 months for goodness sake but i still feel lost at times and staring out in space when you're standing on a tank is never a good idea. people have said i've changed and i guess i have, for one thing, i think i'll never really believe again. which is sad considering how damn naive and how believing wholefreakinheartedly has always been something that i've done.

alright i'm beginning to ramble and it sounds ridiculous.

miss you. i'll see you tomorrow. hope it goes well and all. and i'm at a loss for something to say now. so goodbye.  
i walked home alone with you. 11:50 pm

  counter. yay now i can see the paltry number of people who come to my blog. what joy.

watched trainspotting with liang yesterday. after he cooked dinner haha i'm amazed at my cousin. beef steaks, chicken filets, tomato seafood pasta, what else can he dish up?! and with my brilliant contributions of soup from a can. i rock.
point of note. do not use beef knuckle for steak. knuckle tastes like it sounds.  
i walked home alone with you. 11:59 pm

  i see. and so with that one simple statement, which wasn't even said with the slightest hint of anger or even regret, just a matter of fact thing, i come to my senses and realise that, perhaps it's really over.

you're not my boyfriend anymore 
i walked home alone with you. 11:46 pm

  blah. i've kinda settled into a routine of utter, complete boredom. boredphucks. that's me, i'm a bored fuck. haha. well least i finally got around to doing my driving. but every day just freaking draaaags.

the joy of swearing continuously at the top of your voice at noone in particular is something that everyone everywhere should experience at least once. come on you know you wanna.

damn it wish i'd gone with liang to zouk yesterday. would have broken some of the monotony. well well.

and my word for the week is -ratscum-. such a nice ring to it. better than buttface really, that was so unimaginative and really didn't even begin to describe him. so, ratscum it is till something else more eloquent rolls off my tongue.  
i walked home alone with you. 11:58 pm

  potted. never thought i'd lament being able to read fast but now my freakin book's finished what do i do with my life? silly questions that were never meant to be answered.

so this is the new year
and i don't feel any different
so this is the new year
and i have no resolutions

the new year, death cab for cutie 
i walked home alone with you. 11:15 pm

  harry potter and the white stripes. which i have finally bought. no it's not a new h.p. book, i got the one about the phoenix. and if you have an issue with my reading material please don't bother.

the second bit's about the grammys. the white stripes. now -that's- rock.  
i walked home alone with you. 11:10 pm

  and for a moment. just for that moment i could almost have believed that nothing had changed and everything, everything would be alright again.

being in denial is not a good way to spend a comms ball.  
i walked home alone with you. 10:59 pm

  "Have you been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armour, for years, so nothing can hurt you, the one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "How perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.

I hate love.
----Rose Walker

The Sandman, Neil Gaiman 
i walked home alone with you. 10:29 pm

  posted. 40 sar. it's right across the road so i'm quite thankful about that. so i'll be going there in a couple of weeks. to all the guys i won't see again, take care, always remember to be good to your people, have fun whatever you're doing, and always always have some breath mints with you.  
i walked home alone with you. 11:00 pm