calm now. this just struck me somehow. i guess you'd have to read the entire book to see this one paragraph's significance, but it is actually quite heartbreakingly sad.

"a month of mondays and wednesdays passes. she begins to see him on fridays as well. one Friday she finds herself alone at dimitri's apartment; he goes out as soon as she arrives, to buy a stick of butter for a white sauce he is making to pour over trout. bartok plays on the stereo, expensive components scattered on the floor. she watches him from the window, walking down the block, a small, balding, unemployed middle-aged man, who is enabling her to wreck her marriage. she wonders if she is the only woman in her family ever to have betrayed her husband, to be unfaithful. this is what upsets her most to admit: that the affair causes her to feel strangely at peace, the complication of it calming her, structuring her day."

- the namesake, jhumpa lahiri.

 
i walked home alone with you. 9:20 pm

  hello again. it's been a relatively long time since i last said anything of importance here so this now feels rather alien, like i'm not really able to elucidate my thoughts, or not used to it anymore, which is the same thing i suppose. which somewhat paradoxically is the exact same reason i stopped posting in the first place. chicken and the egg.

well well, so let's try this out again.

to my rather miniscule readership, hello how have you been. i've been...well, if i said good, i'd be lying. so i've been alright. i had a long discussion with c at starbucks a week or so ago, which amounted to a mutual lament over the state of our lives now. we've both recently reclassified 'going out' as being absolutely pointless. there's nothing to do, and nowhere to go. don't you all feel it? meeting friends becomes a desperate attempt to find something exciting to do, and to be honest, there never really is. of course i could be speaking for myself here, and you could be leading a wonderfully joyous life of fun and giggles. but it's not just the bloody army as i originally assumed, because c's in school and he still thinks the same way as i do. i guess i just expect more out of life than i'm getting now, and my sad inability to do anything useful has led to this rather annoying lethargy that i'm experiencing.

oh well. i suppose being 20 and jaded is a fucking sad place to be.

but anywho, all this has led to me living my life as if i would be ord-ing tomorrow, and school to start the day after. i've got everything that i want to do post-army pretty much planned out right now. which i guess isn't really a good idea because i do have another 5 months or so still before i can actually do anything that i've planned. but it's still nice to dream. 
i walked home alone with you. 1:26 am

  oh my. it's been 3 long years since anyone has referred to me as scrawny. it appears as if what i managed to gain physically out of canoeing has finally given up on me and my erratic visits to the gym. well not exactly scrawny, but a junior who saw me at canoeing nat'ls said (to my friend) that i was, and i quote, "so small, no muscle one."

gone are the glory days. ha. urgh. never mind. i gloat in the fact that in a year's time, after her nat'ls are over, she too will turn white and flabby. so there. treasure your tan and tone now, young one. age will catch up eventually. muahaha.

damn i need to work out.
 
i walked home alone with you. 10:30 pm

  and so it ends. i can't believe this. all thanks to the wonderful singapore armed forces, i have missed the last episode of friends.

and were it not for the wonders of technology, i'd never know if she really left in the end. yes i know half the world knows/knew before tonight but hey, i was always the last to know. this time however, give me half an hour or so, and then we'll see.

that there, that's not me/i go where i please/i walk through walls/float down the liffey/i'm not here/this isn't happening
 
i walked home alone with you. 12:08 am

  graaagh. why is my haloscan comments counter not moving? that should say (5). bugger.

inane post. sorry.
 
i walked home alone with you. 8:24 pm

  and so begins... the 5 day week. enough said. thank you, ah loong.
 
i walked home alone with you. 5:21 pm

 
bye karen =) will miss you. come back soon! 
i walked home alone with you. 9:28 pm

 
goofy pic. to hell with oakleys. 
i walked home alone with you. 9:27 pm